Week off prior to Phoenix

Monday: Arrived back in Phoenix without a hitch and had dinner with Dina and her family. Need I mention pasta was on the menu?

• In the nick of time: A. J. Eathorne graciously offered to put me up for a few days till her mom arrives but the instructions on how to disengage the house alarm were a bit ambiguous. There was no problem using the touchpad to open the garage but what I didn't realize, a separate one is used to disarm the alarm system. The beep, beep, beep countdown, to what I knew was going to signal an intruder, had me rushing to enter the code into the wrong touchpad. Once the siren went off, little time remained till ADT called asking for the password. When the screeching started, I rushed back in, found the correct entry point and submitted the code. Whew!

Tuesday: My job today is to pick up A. J. from the airport. 

• Here's why: Were you wondering why Lori Kane was DQ'd last week? An illegal drop on the eight hole did her in, and a few others as well, I was told. Let me explain.

We were playing "lift clean and place" with the key being in closely mown areas fairway height or less on your own hole. The eight is a par four with the fairway ending about 260 yards off the tee and a gorge separating it from the green and and surrounding area. That area is about fifteen yards to the front and right. In the past, it had been fairway but not this year. It was not as deep as the surrounding rough but "step cut" height. Lorie assumed it was fairway, took a drop, finished her round and signed her card. Later in the clubhouse, one of her playing partners heard another player was penalized for lifting the ball in the same area and informed Lorie. She tuned herself in and was disqualified.

Our group found ourselves with the same dilemma as two balls rested in the area in question. Unsure if it was fairway that was just not mowed that morning, we called an official. After double checking, it was determined not to be fairway and relief was not given.

• I need some answers: I mentioned the upcoming background checks for touring caderos and have a few questions of my own. The following have been passed alone to "the powers that be" to mull over.

1. Will parents, spouses, siblings, and friends who caddie be subjected to equal scrutiny? If not, why not?
2. How will the foreign caddies be checked?
3. How about local caddies? The one-weekers would seem to be more of a threat than full-timers trying to make a living.
4. If acquisition of a tournament caddie badge would remain unrestricted, why have caddie credentials? Could we not just apply each week for a badge? Also, doesn’t the “Player Guest badge” circumvent the process?
5. If a true criminal background check is going to be performed, is the information on our application really enough? Shouldn’t a finger print card be submitted?
6. If a caddie has been previously checked by law enforcement, could those results be submitted in lieu of the LPGA inquiry?
7. Finally, what would disqualify someone from obtaining clearance to caddie? If a criminal record is discovered, how serious and recent would the offense have to be?

Wednesday: Laurie received some bad news from her physical therapist concerning the upcoming tournament. It's a no-go due to her ailing hip. Rest has been prescribed so I'm looking for work again. I'm scheduled to loop for Dina in the qualifier which is off site so if we don't make it, there's a good chance I'll come up empty this week.

• Even-Steven: You lose one player then get another. Yu Ping decided to go with a veteran looper instead of the rookie she had lined up and I got the job.

• Party time: Dina dropped by yesterday and we supped on pizza but A. J. turned hostess this evening with a little get-together. Tina Barrett, Herr Steffler, Michelle Estill and a few co-workers were on the guest list. Next door neighbor Heather and her daughter Caitlin even dropped by for a visit.

 

Michelle, calling the shots.

Steffler, another earful from his boss.

I need a haircut.

Friday: Helped Steffler with some notebook shopping yesterday and thought I found a great deal at Circuit City. It was a Gateway for $499.99 and included a free printer and wireless router but it doesn't seem to be up to snuff. Takes forever to boot up and shut down and runs extremely slowly. May have to exchange it or look else ware.

• Center ice: The Phoenix Coyotes played the San Jose Sharks last evening and A. J. had the pleasure of being a guest in Wayne Gretzky's box by an invite from Cristie Kerr. The game was so-so but the experience was what it was all about.

• Ay caramba! A. J. just happened to have a couple pics from last week's visit to the Teotihuacán Pyramids. Ashli and Mike Bunch tagged along and, by the looks of it, took home a few memories.

Saturday: Body Worlds 3 was on exhibit at the Arizona Science Center so A. J., her mom and me took it in yesterday. This is a fantastically popular exposé, as the only tickets available were after 6 PM, but turned out to be a perfect time. I arrived a bit early (I usually do) and, to my surprise, the Aloha Street festival was just concluding in the Center's courtyard. An Hawaiian celebration on St. Patty's Day? Go figure.

Body Worlds 3 is quite unbelievable. Through plastination, the human physical structure is dissected and displayed in remarkable ways by its creator, Gunther von Hagens. It's art and science rolled up into one.

Final thoughts: I came away with a renewed awe of the complexities of our body, felt fortunate for never having smoked (smoker's lungs are not a pretty sight), had the  the joy removed out of watching porn (body parts look better from the outside), a distaste for one of my favorite repasts (liver and onions) and penis envy (talk about a hung jury). Still worth it though.

• Nine and out: We were allowed to play after 1:00 so we teed it up for nine. Yu Ping took along a new set of irons (which she toted) and they went into the bag when we finished. 

The course is in its best shape ever. Tight firm fairways and greens as hard as my bathroom tile.

 

Tournament Week

My player this week is Yu Ping Lin

Monday: Worked for Dina in the qualifier and shot even. She switched from the belly putter to a conventional and did well but missed too many greens to have a chance. Cindy Rarick took honors with -4 and Louise Stahle won the playoff for the other spot. Afterward, I was off to the tournament course for a long practice session with Yu Ping.

• Lot full o' loopers: That's what it must have been like this morning at Superstition as everyone is showing up for the limited jobs available. A few took the chance with the qualifier and "Shadow" came out on top working for Cindy.

• Welcome back: Perm-a-Grin (Dennis College) has returned from retirement for a two week stint. He's toting the sack for Heather Daley-Donofrio. 

• Fill er up: A few of the curtsey autos are Mercedes GL 320 CDI SUVs but one volunteer didn't adhere to the "diesel only" cautionary and filled it with regular! Wonder how much that repair is going to run?

• We're in: An early morning alternate time for us turned into a confirmed slot as Marisa Baena pulled out and we took her place.

Tuesday: Made quick work of the pro-am, beat some balls and our day was done.

• Hello strangers: Tina Fischer has made an appearance and seems to have foregone the tour except for the Corning event. She is into real estate in the fast paced Manhattan market and seems to have found her niche. She may play Corning as this is the place were it all started for her as a caddie. Also, Jodi Anschutz is here coordinating Solheim Cup details.

• Lets meet: A caddie meeting is scheduled for tomorrow concerning the background checks but the word is out that they will be put off till next season. Maybe my queries had an impact.

Wednesday: Yu Ping signed us up for a tee time but, after a long practice session and having already played 27 holes, she just wasn't feelin' it and called it a day.

• Thanks for nothin': Yesterday's pro-am was like any other as far as my duties were concerned. Even though everyone had a looper, I still took control of replacing the divots, retrieving the chips and putts and gave their ball a wipe now and then. With three holes remaining, our approach to a par five left a few pelts a bit down the fairway and one of my fellow caderos was out of the gate in a flash and making a bee line to the largest one. Finally they caught on (I assumed) and he'd toss it back ,but no. He approached the uprooted divot, stared at it for a bit, flipped it over with his shoe, stared a bit more and walked on. What the hell was he checking for? A serial number! By the way, got the "donut" for my efforts.

• Meat of the meet: The rumor that the background checks will be delayed till next year is true. Too many details to be worked out for implementation. In the mean time, temporary credentials will be issued.

As the caddies funneled in, Jaybird iterated the best statement of the evening. "Looks like everyone with a Social Security number is here". The inference was aimed at the foreign caddies who usually refrain from such meetings but a few did show before the proceedings commenced.

• You get what you pay for? We'll see if this axiom holds true at the end of the week. Giulia Sergas axed her "Blue Cow" cadero for a member of the club this week and what may be the best part (or not), remuneration isn't required. He's doing it for "The love of the game".

• Lock and load: This is my kind of guy. After a win, someone (identity withheld till the background check goes through) treated himself to a brand new, honest to goodness, fun on the range, fully automatic weapon. YEEEEE-HA!

Thursday: Here we go again. Another city during their dry season and another rain delay. A little over two hours this time till the boomers subsided. So what did we do in the interim? Eat of course! I rubbed elbows with the players in their hospitality area and munched on salad and an Italian wrap as Jill McGill ticked the ivories to our delight. Rosie Jones (helping with the telecast) made sure to get her performance on the tube.

We made it nine holes plus one extra tee ball before it was called. Be in position at 6:50 tomorrow was the word.

• Help yourself: That's what seems to be the slogan here at the Safeway. Every year, stacks of goodies are positioned around the course, along with the caddie area, for our consumption. Cookies, Slim Jims, candy, crackers and on and on. Breakfast and lunch can also be found in the "casa cadero" with an ample supply of beverages including beer (is that really a wise thing to have on hand?). Hospitality is the name of the game here but one newbie looper must think the buffet line extends all the way back to his abode. He was spotted the other day loading up a full sized trash bag with as much as he could carry! One of the volunteers actually found him the make do carry-all and watched him fill it up. After concluding his version of a "smash and grab", the weight of is booty was too much for the one ply container and he needed to double bag it! Strutted out of the caddie area with the bag over his shoulder like Santa heading for his sleigh.

• More good eats: I'm staying with "The Nerd" this week and, since he had a morning time, had dinner on the table as Herr Steffler and I walked in the door. Al dente pasta with meat sauce and garlic bread. Luckily I ate a light lunch.

Friday: Finished our remaining nine and had a whole fourteen minutes till we teed it up again. No big deal but the skies opened up as we were announced and played the first hole in a cold and steady downpour. The heavens cleared as we left the green and stayed dry the rest of the day. Finished with a total of +6 which had us packing up after the round.

You did what?? Those new irons Yu Ping put in the bag (that I mentioned earlier) were the result of a major screw-up by her club manufacturer, Fourteen. Before the season began, she requested a backup set be made of her existing irons to the exact same specs but, when they were checked, discrepancies to "standard" were discovered so what did they do? Instead of making another set to their liking, they tweaked the originals (including snipping the shafts) and wound up with an unusable pile of trash. "The Pinger" had such a distrust in the substitute set, after many errant approaches, she had me lining her up. 

Drown your sorrows: That's what "casa cadero" was for yesterday and the fault of my delayed update. Caddies downing brews and telling tales after missing the cut is traditional on tour. As I told Yu Ping in Hawaii, "Ya'll drive us to drink".

Saturday: This morning's finishers were greeted with a frigid, sideways rain while warming up but it ceased before play began and a glorious day followed. A +3 cut left many sitting at 4 in disbelief.

• "To what end"? A very poignant question concerning our background checks from someone who should know. Which individual summed it up in those three little words? Ty Votaw that's who. We ran into him just before going out to follow Sophie.

• Personal touch: This is the second year in a row we've stayed at the same house and each time Herr Steffler has left behind a little something for the next tenants. These are by his own hand and placed in vacant picture frames. Is there a cadero comic strip in the offing?

 

Jeff, a self-portrait?

Anyone we know?

• Caddie myth-busters: Steffler and myself conducted our version of the show. He received an email concerning the hidden powers of cell phones and we had to see for ourselves. We tried #2 on my car and it worked like a charm. Don't know about the others.

1. The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked.

2. Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy some day. If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk). 

3.  Hidden Battery Power. Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time. 

4. How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone? To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 # a 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. 

5. Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial (800) FREE 411 or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. 
    

CELL UPDATE: Just got an email saying it's all bull. Just an urban legend.

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: We tried it one more time. Put the car in the garage, closed the door, walked past three houses down the street and tried it without using the cell phone and it wouldn't open. I then used the cell and managed to open it one time out of about five tries. You be the judge.

Saturday: Rick was off early and we were left to our lonesome. Jeff has Tina Barrett next week but Rick and I are empty. Will probably work the pro-am then hit the road so the updates may not be up to snuff.

It's not my fault! Whenever we rent a condo or house, an effort to clean a bit before we leave is always undertaken. One last run of the dishwasher was planned so I did the honors. Cascade is the standard cleaner, which I found under the sink, but something was amiss after starting the device. Suds began pouring out as if dishwashing liquid was used (swear I used the Cascade). Either way, we managed through it and and left the floor cleaner than it had been in years.

OOPS!