WENDY'S CHAMPIONSHIP

TARTAN FIELDS C. C. 

DUBLIN, OH

My player this week is Dina Ammaccapane

Monday: The "red eye" out of PDX was a popular exit strategy for many caddies and players and, depending on your connections, arrival was planned around noon into Columbus. A double pro-am precludes walking the course so it'll be a day off for most.

No delays had us arriving on time and gave me the opportunity to go car shopping. As my current ride approaches 200Kmiles and in need of close to $3000 in repairs, it just isn't worth fixing. No rush though, not going to jump into anything.

One caddie must wait till tonight to get out of Dodge. Jean Bartholomew's looper, Stephanie, was taken on at the last minute and had to make accommodations to find a reasonable fare.

• Never say never; Lack of initiative or just plain laziness had five of us loopers dining at the Park City Pub once again  but this time good fortune bechanced us all. Excellent food, Twilight Ale for me (had three), and cadero camaraderie made it a perfect evening. Most players have no idea what their missing not hanging with the caddies (at least part of the time).

• Happy birthday; A Duck Fart and a Redheaded Slut was just part of the indulgences sampled by "Motorcycle Jim" last Thursday at The Sextant Bar and Galley. Situated just down the road from Columbia Edgewater, it was a fitting establishment for the celebration of his 57th.

• New name, same affliction; That nasty heat rash found between the butt cheeks of the unprepared bag toter found its mark on Maggie Will's caddie last Sunday, and a new epithet was coined by the once-a-year looper. He aptly tagged it "mustard butt". No matter what you call it, it's one major pain in the a-s!.

• Lost and found; Tommy Thorpe was relieved his luggage finally caught up with him last Thursday. But it wasn't from the trip from Canada, it was from England! His bags made it to the States OK but never traversed North of the border.

• Good deal; The Best Value Inn is our residence for the week and what a bargain it is. Two beds, fridge, microwave, new TV and free wireless for just over $200 for the week. Need a few of those every once in a while.

• Spoke too soon; Our neighbor, with the "Do not disturb" sign hanging from his doorknob, finally awoke and greeted us with a methodic THUMP, THUMP, THUMP from his stereo! With his door open for all the world to see, a boom box stretching from one length of the bed to the other blasted his favorites while he sat sipping a brew. Within minutes, we had moved out and now reside in a more secluded part of the motel.

Tuesday: With Dina playing in an off-site pro-am here in Columbus, two practice scenarios were contemplated. Either play nine when she finished or an E-9 tomorrow. After finishing, the latter was chosen Should have figured we weren't going to tee it up late in the day.

• And the winners are; Brian Funk and "Motorcycle Jim" took home the gold in a team miniature golf contest held at Ables Golf Center in Dublin. Organized by "Scoreboard Paul" (Paul Pope), it was part of a fundraiser for the Stephanie Spielman Breast Cancer Foundation. Eats and brews were served up at the Dub Pub along with an auction of golf memorabilia.

The victors. I guess they'll split it down the middle?

Wednesday: Teed off in the dark to make sure we got ahead of the pack but we still weren't the first group off! A stint on the range afterwards, part of which was an effort to find another driver for Danielle, a little short game work and finished the day.

• Chop-chop; The cadero grapevine has four more loopers getting the axe from their Korean bosses after this week. Heard one veteran was given a weeks notice after finishing up in Portland but decided on a pre-emptive strike of his own. Called his player on Monday and gave her the pink slip. Bravo!

• Steffler-ism; Joe Bonica (AKA Einstein) was hired Chris Johnson last week after a long run on The Nationwide Tour. Joe has been suffering with either foot or hip ailments and has a tendency to lag quite a ways behind at times. Spotting Einstein one morning and using this well known hardship to get in a zinger, Jeff spouted "Hey Joe, are you getting ready to tee it up or making the turn from yesterday"? No one is untouchable out here.

Thursday: Birdied the last for -1. Three 3-whacks spoiled what could have been super round.

• New wheels; The illumination of my check engine light this morning was the last straw. Couldn't trust this bucket of bolts any longer so another round of cruising through used car lots was in order. Spotted a 2003 Taurus with only 20K miles and every option available. Made a bee line back there after play and made the deal.

Friday: With two holes to go we sat at -1 for the event but rinsed one with a fanned seven iron on the par three eight. That put us one over but again, birdied the last to make it on the number.

• Duh! It wasn't a Taurus but a Mercury Sable LS I purchased. Picked it up today and, with less luggage capacity than my Concorde, judicial sorting and packing was in order. It's amazing all the junk one accumulates when living on the road.

• Back out; Audra Burks made her first appearance since breaking her finger and had it taped to the one next to it.

• Big bomber; Checkout the driving distance for Dina. The first day they had one at 333 yards but was off by about 35.

• Anybody there?  I wouldn't have believed this if not hearing it from one who was there. The American Airlines flight form Portland to Columbus via Dallas was one that will not soon be forgotten. At one point at cruising altitude, a flight attendant was slowly working her way down the aisle, shoe in hand, thumping the floor every few feet. The only thing the passengers could think of was that a rodent had found his way on board and an attempt was being made to catch it but the actual reason was quite astonishing. It seems a baggage handler back in Portland was missing and presumed he fell asleep in the cargo hold!. Sure enough, repeated attempts to communicate finally brought a response of taps from below. The topper is, the attendant confirmed this was not the first occasion a snoozer got the ride of his life.

Saturday: Patience was the name of the game today with us being the last group off the tenth tee (split tees) and in a twosome no less. Dina kept her head in the game and finished with a -4 for the day. With threatening weather expected tomorrow, we may have the same format.

• Visions of a 59; Check out Candie Kung's scorecard. All those red numbers were her first nine. Just couldn't keep it going.

• The "ICE Man" cometh; Chad Payne (AKA ICE) invited a few caderos to his Columbus abode for a steak and brew evening. Nice digs, good company and cold beer.

ICE, plenty of meat and proud of it!

Sunday: Early morning rain set tee times back an hour and had us playing "ball in hand". Dina took full advantage and peppered the pins from the get go. Shot five under and made a healthy move up the board.

• Lucky hat? The boys at Kilmarlic Golf Club sent along a hat for me to don but I usually forgo the baseball style for a more protective version. After constant prodding from Cathy Johnston-Forbes to wear the club's emblem at least once, our dreary weather offered the perfect opportunity. After lighting it up today, I don't know whether to retire it or risk the streak on another day.

• Buckeye welcome? Kellie Kuehne, a staunch Texas Longhorn fan, had her new Yukon keyed (scratched) in the golf course parking lot during the pro-am. Texas plates and Longhorn logo may have been too much to bear for one OSU supporter.

• Pick of the litter ? Michelle Wie has taken on a new looper and the men's tour was the source. Andy Lano is his name and the inside info pegs him as a possible problem. He sports the nickname "Complain-O". What does that tell ya?

• Final scene; The ongoing soap opera of the rookie player and on again-off again tour caddie has come to a conclusion. She fired him (supposedly for the last time) cause he didn't talk enough. Best thing that could have happened to him.

• A little tug should do it; Ever get one of those loose threads hanging from your clothing and afraid to pull it off for fear of unraveling the entire garment? Well, earlier in the week one player should have had second thoughts before doing just that with one hanging from the crotch area of her shorts. Before she knew it, a large, and I mean large, hole developed and to make matters worse, underwear was not part of her ensemble! Luckily, an extra pair was at hand and she was saved from quite an embarrassing predicament.