CN CANADIAN OPEN

LONDON HUNT CLUB

LONDON ON, CA

My player this week is Dina Ammaccapane

Sunday: Didn't feel like waiting for the six o'clock caddie bus to the airport so I hitched a ride with Allison Hanna's parents. A couple close calls with those blokes motoring on the incorrect side of the road and losing our way after filling up with petrol added a little spice to my foreign adventure. I did get plenty of info on restaurants in the Portland area (their home town) in anticipation of out arrival.

• Crowne me; Seemed everyone was overnighting at The Crowne Plaza Hotel, before their Monday departure, and the local libations played a major role in the winding down ceremony. Rick" The Nerd" picked up some brew that was over 8% alcohol and almost undrinkable. It was like a boilermaker in a can (that's a shot and a beer for you teetotalers).

Monday: It's 4 PM and two legs of my flight are done and, due to the minimal cost of my trip, the most direct path was precluded. My routing took me from Manchester to Boston, then onto LaGuardia and finally Detroit. If all goes well, I arrive at 8 Pm and drive the last 150 or so miles.

OOPS! My flight to Detroit was cancelled and I'm spending the night in New York courtesy of the morons at America Eagle. Never saw so many misfits gathered in one place. If you can avoid this airline, do it. Booked me on a Northwest flight leaving at 6 AM. Should be at the course by noon at the latest.

• The third degree; That's what I received by security in Manchester and had to go over my entire two weeks abroad before letting me though. Amazingly, my interrogator threw in an unexpected similarity to the pronunciation of my sir name. Smich sounds just the way it's spelled and all through school his daughter was known as "Smitch". It was really S. Mitchell but the two were combined.

• Welcome home; The customs official (in his best Boston dialect) invited me to complete their foursome tomorrow after discovering I was a caddie. Didn't know if he wanted me to play or carry his bag. Nice to be back in the US even though it's for just for a few more hours.

• Are pink planes in the offing? American Eagle took me on the last two legs and, as I was departing, my profession arose with a conversation with the flight attendant. The number two in the cockpit overheard and chimed in that Paula Creamer's dad works or had worked for American.

Tuesday: Patted down for the second time on this return trip. Just want to get back to where I feel the most comfortable, in my car.

• And the hits just keep comin'; A dead battery on my rescheduled Northwest flight set me back close to another two hours and didn't arrive in Detroit till 9:30. I was so close but yet so far. A pick-up from The Crowne Plaza Hotel shuttle was all that was needed to finally get me on my way to Canada but alas, it was not to be. The driver forgot to pick me up! He did manage to get it right on the second go-around.

• Coincidence or not? First song I hear on my XM tuner was "America the Beautiful" by Ray Charles. Best rendition ever.

Arrived with time to spare. Played nine holes then walked the other nine. These are, without a doubt, some of the biggest greens we've played.

Wednesday: An E-9 started our day and, being the last group off before the pro-am, afforded much needed short game practice. A stint on the range and chipping green afterward, followed by another quick look at the back nine, and I be done.

• New arsenal; Dina had the last two weeks to freshen the array of weapons in her sack and took full advantage. A newfangled set of Ping Raptures is the replacement of choice.

• Break time; Audra Burks will have some time off after breaking her left pinky finger playing basketball.

• Ladies, would this work on you? For the last two weeks, our pockets have been overfilled with foreign currency, mostly coins, and the 1£ variety seems to accumulate quite rapidly. One cadero pondered if the pick-up line "I have twelve pounds in my pants" would work on an unaware young lass?

• Smoke 'em if you got 'em; The monolithic effort to eradicated tobacco use has no boundaries (short of a total ban) on "The Continent". As of now, it's purely voluntary as shown on one of the more egregious warning labels.

But what if I don't inhale?

Thursday: The one bad thing about having a new set of sticks is the the uncertainty of the distances and it bit us big time on the eighth. Sitting at -3, a seven iron into the par three eighth carried too far and rolled just into the rough. A tricky putt sent us past the pin down the slope and, to make a long story bearable, we made a triple. Finished at +2.

• A yard here and a yard there; A ten yard discrepancy on the pin placement for the fourteenth hole wasn't noticed till the first group went through. "Shadow" clued in one of the rules officials and a notice was posted.

• The date is set, maybe; Lisa Kiggens is 85% sure that Oct 27th will be her wedding day. Corning C. C. is the proposed venue.

• It's all relevant; A few players did not have the opportunity to arrange for a tour looper and chose the home grown variety. But as we all know, you usually get what you pay for. When one was asked if the had a local caddie this week she replied "Well, he's local". Nuff said.

• Un-Easy Rider; "Motorcycled Fred" bit the dust for the second time, while tooling around on his Honda Gold Wing, since being on tour. This time he was vacationing in Glacier National Park and just waiting for oncoming traffic to pass. The road was constricted to just one lane due to construction with each way taking its turn. For some reason, a car veered directly into Fred and just missed crushing his leg. A few bruises and a totaled bike was the outcome.

Friday: Butchered both reachable par fives (bogies) on our final nine and missed a three foot birdie putt on the sixth. That sends you down the highway lickity-split. Chalk it up to lack of focus due to slow play. Five hours and twenty minutes to be exact.

• Canadian hospitality; Kudos to Lorie Kane for making sure life on tour for us pro loopers is more enjoyable. The CN caddie area ranks among the top cadero oasis on the circuit. Coolers full of drinks, breakfast, lunch, soft sofas to rest upon, two TV's, private restroom facilities and and a wireless connection! If it had a few Molson on ice it would be perfect. Even the players are hanging out in our digs.

• I need more space; The space bar in my laptop is giving me fits. I tend to hit the right side with my thumb but it's not registering the hit. Allthewordsarerunningtogether!

Saturday: Hard to pass up free eats and the caddie camaraderie so, some time in our "palatial palace" was in order.

• Twice burned; Well it happened again. That tour rookie, who reneged on her caddie commitment at The Open, fired the looper she just hired, "for the rest of the year", after one week. Once more, heard the girlfriend got in the middle. No tour caddie should touch that bag till she wises up.

• You can keep 'em; Don't know the exact week, but one of the Euro caddies was trimming his hair with a pair of electric clippers when his roommate asked to use them when he was finished. Always willing to accommodate a friend, he handed them over but was caught by surprise by what happened next. His roomy dropped his pants and started trimming his private parts! Needless to say, those shears never made it back into the original owner's possession.

• Ring, ring; The recent firing of Greg Johnston off Michelle Wie's bag has everyone waiting for "the call". NOT! Even though that may be the most high profile job out there, it's a nightmare. B. J. (her dad) micromanages course strategy and, in this case, father does not know best. The absolute asinine stuff he comes up with just boggles the mind. Heard he even checks the yardages with a laser (from outside the ropes) during the tournament. Not illegal (as long no advice is given) but you know you're under the microscope all day long.

Sunday: A breeze getting over the boarder (missing the cut does that) but I heard it was taking up to six hours from the course yesterday. A few will be missing their flights out of Detroit I believe. Many will be flying on Monday out of Columbus (an over 300 mile trip) on early flights and the late finish along with the boarder delays will leave little time to rest up.